Okay, one more post about spasticity. I had every intention of not writing about it again, but it always seems to bring itself to my attention, so this will probably not be the last one either. I guess I'm as obsessed with it as it is with me.
It's been hot here the last few days, hot and humid. Since my stroke I like hot weather a lot more than I used to - the humidity, though, I can do without, but I'm used to it so it doesn't bother me much. In weather like this I like to go outside and stretch, so yesterday, knowing that I was going to swim later, I went outside in the sun and did some slow stretching, being careful not to bounce, just stretch and hold. As I stretched, I could feel my left side becoming tighter. That's right, the more I stretched, the more the spasticity fought back, until at the end of 30 minutes I could barely hobble back inside and collapse into my office chair. Polly and I left for the Y at 5:00, and I told her that I would be walking better and better able to swim if I hadn't stretched at all, just sat all day. Now that just isn't right, it shouldn't be that way. After swimming for 30 minutes and taking a long hot shower, the muscles on my left side felt like they were pulled so tight they were vibrating with tension, like guitar strings.
What infuriates me the most is that looking back over the course of my recovery, if I had to pick a high point, it was at eight or nine months post-stroke. At that point, cognitively I was almost back 100%, and my balance, coordination and strength were returning rapidly. At that point I could see 100% recovery. I was headed toward it, it was within sight. Then the spasticity started. I refused to give in to it and continued to get stronger and re-establish balance and control. But the stronger I got, the stronger the spasticity got. It feeds off me. Like some kind of weird parasite, the stronger I get, the stronger it gets. The only way to weaken it seems to be to become weaker myself. It's as if it's mission is to not let me achieve full recovery. I believe that if I gave up that goal and stopped trying, it would go dormant and leave me alone. It's quite a dilemma.
I haven't been able to find any guidance abouit my situation, not in my research, not by talking to any health care professional. If the physiatrist I worked with knew anything about anything, he didn't let on. My neurologist didn't seem to know anything about the effects of stroke after the first week. My old PT can only recommend more PT. My PCP is a good generalist, but isn't a specialist in anything, certainly not stroke. So I'm on my own here, so I guess I'll have to chart my own course. Onward and hopefully upward.
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